Yes...it's been 2 1/2 years since I did anything with this blog.

I changed the background only because apparently the one I had no longer exists, making my posts unreadable.  I just used one of the basic ones because I have no idea where to start to find one that I really like.

Many, many, many things have happened and I don't know if this would even pop up on anyone's reader (is that even what it's called anymore?)

The main reason I'm writing this is because I need to get some feelings out and don't know who else to talk to.

In two days, my fiance (yep, I'm engaged) is graduating from the city police academy and I am NOT doing well with it.  I am so incredibly proud of him as this has been an incredibly LONG journey.  This is actually his second time through.  He broke his leg in a crazy running accident his first time through.  He was dismissed half way through because you clearly can't do certain police academy things with a broken leg.  He started again in June 2013 and graduates Thursday night.

I have so many feelings about him becoming a police officer...but mostly, I'm worried sick.  The last few months I've been so emotional and can't even really talk about it with anyone.  People constantly ask how he's doing and how much longer he has and I put on my fake smile and say everything is going great and give them the # of weeks left.  It's the worst when people first find out he's in the city academy and gasp, saying "Aren't you worried?" or "That's so scary!".  Really?  Hmm.  None of that had crossed my mind at all!  But of course, I smile and say "Oh no...they train him really well and it's not as scary as the news makes it sound."  The thing is, I watch the news too.  I see those breaking news stories too.  And now I cry every time...I even cry sometimes just thinking about it...honestly, I'm crying right now.  He knows I'm terrified and he's trying really hard to put me at ease, but it's just not working.  I'm really hoping it will get better as he works more and comes home safely each time.

Basically, I'm asking for help in any way you can offer it.  Know any cop wife blogs?  Any supports I can be a part of?  Know any cop wives who want to take me under their wing?  If not, please just pray for us and most importantly him.

Sorry, I know this is a hot mess of a post, I just needed to get some of it out and I'm hoping this helps.